Karen’s Column…Advice for the Loved and Loveless

3 Qualities to Look for in a Partner

Looking for someone sexy, educated, successful, ambitious, adventurous, financially stable, funny, interesting, loves to go out, but can also up for a romantic night in. Rolex, Mercedes, and Gucci a plus.

Do you see how many requirements there are?  This is how dating is these days. Impossible checklists… One night, one of my best guy friend was telling me about his latest dating disaster and why he is lowering his standards. He fits most of the list above, so why is he struggling to find someone?

I listened intently and at the end of everything I asked him one question. What is the top quality you are looking for in a partner? He thought about it and said chemistry.  I said this is why. You are looking at the wrong thing. Chemistry is important, but it is subjective. This is a combination of personality, looks and attraction, but it does not ensure a long-term relationship.

When you list what you are looking for it should be tangible. Not tangible in the sense that you can hold it in your hand, but that you can see it. He looked at me and said, what should I look for then?

There are 3 main things…

#1-Kindness. They say you can change someone’s life with one-act of kindness. Kindness coincides with compassion and you need both in a relationship. Someone who is kind makes sure that you feel loved, goes the extra mile, tries to understand and make you happy.  And they will be understanding and loving when life throws you a curve ball like losing your job or health issues.

My parents have been married for 34 years and no matter what obstacle is thrown to them. They have always been kind to each other. My dad ties my mom’s shoes because her knees hurt.

You can see kindness by what they do for you. The small, but thoughtful actions. How they treat their friends, family and everyone around them.

#2-Communication. A lot of breakups happen because one person cannot communicate. You both have to understand how the other person thinks.  When you disagree, which everyone does, don’t walk away.  I think in this generation, people don’t try as hard to fix things. They get in a fight and decide there may be something else greener on the other side.  Or in many cases take it to social media.

#3-Collaboration. A relationship is made up of two people. I think a lot of people forget this. It’s a team.  When things are busy for one person, the other person needs to help and vice versa.  There will always be ebs and flows in life, but when you have someone who stands next to you to tell you it will all work out, that makes a whole world of difference.

Without these 3 qualities, as beautiful, exciting or rich as someone may be, it will be hard to last over time. Beauty fades, money comes and goes, but a strong relationship is priceless.


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