I had 2 very amazingly happy years with S. When a relationship ends, no matter how it ended, the person with the broken heart is trying to pick up the pieces and live a normal life. There are moments I want him back, I want my old life back, but you cannot make someone love you when they do not.

There are days you see the light and your old self, while other days you just want to cry and not see people. Other days, you crave people and you want to have them all around you.

I don’t know what I would do without my co-workers and friends. I am still really broken hearted. My bestie Mike went out to dinner with me on Friday and said that he’s concerned because I hide my broken heart too well.

I guess that’s how I’ve always been. There is no sense in stopping my life, I need to enjoy it. Fake it till you make it.

I went to my first networking event and it gave me a big boost of confidence to be able to go back into the dating world, not that it would have been my first choice. It’s definitely hard because I still compare so many things to S. S and I had a connection where we just clicked on the first date. It was not a question of if we liked each other. We clicked both physically and mentally, which is so hard to find which is why it is also so hard to let go.

But I have to let go and start somewhere. I walked out of this networking event unexpectedly with 5 dates. One was actually very funny, I lost my best friend in the crowd and since I’m short, I could not see her. I tapped this guy and asked if he could see her and showed him a picture. After that, he asked me out.

After this event, it gave me some hope, but I am definitely not ready for another relationship. S still owns my heart at this point and it is not fair for me to attempt another relationship while in love with another man.

Unfortunately, love is not like a faucet that you can turn on and off.

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