Each year I try to tell myself things will turn around, but things keep happening. But what I have learned from all these struggles is that you are stronger than you think. There are moments that change your life, there are moments where you believe it cannot get worst, but I learned is how resilient humans are. I also learned the meaning of true friends who will stand with you when you believe you have hit rock bottom and guess what…that’s not the bottom and they are still there.
One of my best friends always tells me this quote when things get rough, “God only gives you what you can handle.” Well, I guess god thinks I am a bad ass because he piles a lot on me.
When I tell my recaps to some people, they cannot believe it. They say all these things cannot happen to one person, trust me it does and the only thing I do is laugh. I make jokes of all my misfortunes and make others laugh along with it, especially the baboon story that you will read later on.
I still have it much better than a lot of people. There are many people better off than me and many more less fortunate. No matter what, I have a lifetime of memories in the past 5 years to have a reality show better than the Kardashian’s and unscripted. I am just waiting to make millions from it.
Here is a recap of the past few years and when exactly it started to go downhill. When things will turn around, I also don’t want to forget the moments that made me stronger, taught me a lesson, or brought myself or others a laugh. Note: I did this quickly, so please ignore all grammatical errors.
Up until this time, I thought my entire life was a fairy-tale. I had finished my MBA at 24 with a full-time job in a very well-known company in Utah since I was 19. I decided it was time to flee the nest and I packed my bags to move to DC in 2011.
I felt like everything was perfect. I had a great boyfriend who joked about naming our kids sushi and kabobs. I just finished my one year probation as a government employee, so I was set for life with my job. I never had to worry about being laid off, I may not be rich, but I always had a job. My Disney movie quickly took a turn.
- The person who I believed was the love of my life and I ended an intense relationship due to turmoil with his parents refusing to accept someone outside of their culture. We were together for almost three years and he was my first love. Our relationship didn’t nicely, it ended in fiery flames.
- I started a whole new life when the relationship ended, I met him right when I moved to DC, which meant all his friends were the only people I really knew. The best part of that year was the amount of new friends I made along with a whole series of stories that could out-beat “Sex and the City.”
- That year, to get over my heartbreak, I went out 7 days a week and a younger, prettier, thinner, and more care-free version of me got multiple dates everywhere I went. My goal was just to go on a bunch of first dates for a year and not commit to anyone, the only issue was it backfired and to date, I still get some of the guys asking for another chance. I have some that check in every year to ask I am still single. I am ashamed to admit, we lost count at 150 first dates by 6 months and if I could turn back time, some of those guys really were nice and deserved a real chance.
- Lisa and I took our first together in Chicago and it started a whole travel chapter. Fast forward 5 years later and more than 30 countries worth of adventures, this would not be possible without the break-up.
- By the end of the year, I believed that the worst was over, but a few days before Christmas I was shopping with one of my best friends…Debbie. On the way home from the mall I was making a left hand turn just two minutes from my house when a girl ran a stop sign at more than 50 miles an hour and t-boned me on my driver’s side. I was crushed in the door and had to be cut out of the car. That was how 2013 decided to give me a big kick in the butt. Here is the post.
This year, I dealt with the aftermath of the car accident. There isn’t much events to report because the medical issues took up my entire life.
- January- Lisa and I went to Jamaica and that’s when I lost my cell phone off a bobsled, but don’t worry I found it! Here is the post.
- Due to the accident, by May I gained almost 50 lbs. I have no idea how that even happened, it was not natural. My diet was the same and I was still going to the gym, I was not able to work out as intense as before, but I should not have put on all the weight. The doctors ran multiple tests and they said it was normal with a body in distress. The doctors said that as long as I was not gaining more weight, I was fine because my blood-work was perfect. My doctor always tells me that many people hope they can have my blood-work.
- Through the year, I went to physical therapy three times a week for nearly four months. I dealt with endless doctor appointments for neck pain, memory loss, and nerve issues. I also had random emotional outburst. Here is my post.
- Lisa and I went to achieve my dream of swimming with the whale sharks, we had to postpone it because the weather was bad. If we stayed one more day, the weather would have been perfect.
- I met my A at Starbucks and we started dating. At first he seemed so great, even Lisa and Sarah liked him, but he ended up being one of my worst mistakes. A and I fought like cats and dogs at the end of our relationship and ended up breaking up in August. I made the biggest mistake taking him back a second time which ended only a few months later. Unfortunately the words he said at the end will haunt me for years to come and it ended on a violent note when I told him we were done.
- Lisa and I went to Japan, we had an amazing trip. On the way home, we missed our flight or actually Aeromexico decided to sell our seats because the flight was mostly full and we didn’t show up yet. They gave us two choices, either to do standby which would have about 11 days been out or buy a new ticket. Obviously we bought a new ticket, which costed us $2000. Our original ticket was only about $800, which we were able to fight and win. Lesson learned, never pick an airline with only one flight in and out a day.
- In May, I got headhunted by a recruiter for a position in the private sector. My workplace was getting worst and so was the traffic. I took the position, but little did I know the promises of a great team and work-life balance were lies. My work environment was toxic, but in a different way. My manager hired me because he liked me, but didn’t want to invest in me because later on we learned he knew he was in trouble at the company. I had one great team member Stevie who was great to work with and told me how he hated how smart I was. Then there was Todd, he was the worst, he didn’t do any work, he would sabotage my work, and belittle all those around him to make sure he looked good. It was emotionally draining and when I told HR, they said it’s because he had his title stripped and he is holding it against anyone in that position, but don’t take it seriously. I was also told many times that year by different people that I must have been really good if they hired a girl for a data analytics position.
- I told myself I cannot be fat any longer and I would do whatever it takes to get the weight off. I ate barely 1200 calories and did two high intensity classes a day for eight months. I only lost 10 lbs. I felt like a failure.
- Between work, my weight, and trying to figure out what I wanted to do next, it consumed my life.
- Started off the year with a whirlwind trip around the world. Again, I thought this was my year. Everything seemed to be on track. We conquered 11 countries in one month. I made a lifetime of memories with Lisa and during this trip, we did struggle with some differences. But in the end, we know that differences will never break our friendship.
- On the trip, I completely had an allergic breakout after touching the tigers. I also fell in Petra and a donkey bucked me off its back as well.
- I rekindled my friendship with M who is now one of my best friends after I told him he was dead to me and denied every attempt to say sorry. He cornered me in India to listen to his apology. Here is the post.
- I was planning on moving or getting a new job. The company I was with was horrible. They viewed women, but during April, the company was on a “lean” warpath and as part of being lean or what I deem a more gentle way of saying they are figuring ways to reduce costs.
- In one week, I had three guy friends cross the line. I felt extremely violated. The first one came over for his b-day and ended up kissing me. I slapped him and asked why he did it. He said I was too intoxicating, he could not help it. At that point, he asked what I wanted to do. I requested a time machine, we never spoke again. The second guy was a long term friend of the group. He came over to catch up, a few minutes turned into hours and it was 3 AM, I asked if he was going home, he told me no so I offered him a burrito. At that point he asked if I would marry him, I said no. At 5 AM, I said we have to go to bed and I’ll make the guest bed for him. He asked if the guest bed came with cuddles. I said friends don’t cuddle with friends that is weird. He tried every line in the sun to get me to share a bed. I have never locked my own bedroom door before, but that night I did. We still see each other at events here and there, I have never brought that up again. Guy #3 needed my ear for a life crisis. He spent an hour venting and getting advice on his work and home situation. At the end, he had to run back to work, but not before grabbing me and telling me I was the best thing in his life and giving me a kiss on the forehead. He asked me never to leave him and went back to work. When I see him at events, again… I pretend that never happened.
- After that, I felt so confused, violated, and lost, I booked a Contiki Tour to Europe. It was my first solo trip to reset.
- I have a friend P, when it is his b-day month, he goes crazy. He plans multiple events to celebrate him. That year he wanted a yacht that would be $120 per person and I told him I didn’t have the spare funds because I was unemployed. He didn’t understand the reason I had to take a last minute trip, so he decided that I wasn’t considered a true friend because I had money for a trip and not for his bday. He made sure to tell everyone how upset he was with me and ignore my birthday messages to him. He refused to speak to me for months and when November hit, he brought it up again at a party and I asked if he ever asked what was going on in my life before he decided to ruin our friendship. We have never been the same again.
- I started dating M. I met him at Costco and thought, finally God was giving me a small win or so I thought.
- I took a trip to South Africa. It was a lot of fun, but on the 2nd to last day, I ended up getting completely robbed by a baboon on a tourist site. I know it’s hard to believe, but I have evidence. When I tried to report the lost to travel insurance, they denied it and requested a police report. How was I supposed to ask them to report a baboon as the felon?
- Lisa and I went to Costa Rica and driving down a hill, our brakes went out. I told her that maybe it is my my fault all this happens and to break our friendship because I could kill her. She never left me. Here is the post.
- Things fell apart with M. I caught him in some of the biggest lies and I ended up questioning everything. I lost trust in men, I lost trust in my own judgment and ability to see red flags, and I wondered what was wrong with me. Many of you know the full story, I will give you a summary. I believe he is a pathological liar. He made his family to be millionaires, he lied about his lifestyle, his education, and even his past girlfriends. He claimed his first girlfriend got in a car accident and lost her legs and when he told her he would still marry her, she could not a be a burden and that was the last they spoke. When all the lies unraveled, I questioned if this was fake too and it was. I noticed that the girl was holding an energy drink and when I looked up the brand, she was the spokesperson and she had both legs. The only truth he told me was that he didn’t know where she was.
- I was getting my tires replaced and Virginia Auto and Tire gave me a rental car. They didn’t call me for 2 days, so finally I called them and they said they had the wrong number, but the car was done. On the way back from work, I was driving on a slower road and all of a sudden my car collapsed in the road. When I called the place, they told me to call my insurance. My insurance sent a tow truck. The tow guy said the axle is broken and I asked if that could be my fault, he said no. Axles do not break without going at a high speed, hitting something like a pole or tree, but if the axle is not well maintained, it could just break from being rusty. PS, I got that all on camera. As the tow truck was taking the car away, a girl tried to claim I hit her. We were way down the street from her, but she still claimed I did it. By the time the police came, she made up a whole story stating that I had hit her car. The cop told me her side and the tow truck driver stated she was exaggerating. She said that she hit my car because she didn’t have room to get out next to my car, but there was room for cars to go through. By the time we cleaned that mess up, the tow guy could not take credit card. He only could take cash or use the cash app. I tried the cash app, but it didn’t work. He promised it was declined. I went to get the cash from an ATM, but the transaction on the cash app went through the next day. He refused to return the money and Cash App denied it and so did the bank because they are not liable. The best part is that Virginia Auto and Tire’s insurance kept calling and sending letters saying the car is a total lost and I am responsible for the entire car amount because I didn’t work with the insurance. I called my insurance and said they have been working with Tina. I said that’s the lady who left me a voicemail. Finally when I told them it wasn’t my fault and sent all the evidence, I asked to be there to look at the car. Guess what? The insurance said the car disappeared, no one can find it. I lost $470 on the towing fiasco, but I guess I have to count myself lucky I didn’t have to pay for the entire car and I am sure they knew it was their fault, which is why the car disappeared.
- I took my car for a battery change and got the car returned with all the dashboard lights on. They said it was because they ran the software update and didn’t have time to replace the battery. They promised once the battery was in, the lights would go away. My biggest mistake was believing them. I took it back and they said the VSA chip was burnt. No one could explain why, but the part is $4000. I said no, I refuse to pay that if it wasn’t my fault. They got Honda to give a grant, but I still had to pay out of pocket because at the same time I needed a safety inspection done before the month ended. The other problem, this issue was so rare, no mechanic knew how to fix it. The guy said they have only seen maybe two other cases so they needed to get a hold of Honda, but since it was the holidays, no one was free.
2018- The roughest year by far…
- 2018 started off with getting a whole new VSA chip in my car! Not typical at all, no one can explain and my car is only 4 years old. It costed me close to $700, no explanation. They kept my car for almost 1.5 weeks and the first day I got a rental car and I was on my way to work and my GPS took me down the airport road on accident. All of a sudden 15 minutes into my drive, I got pulled over. I asked the cop what I did wrong, he said he followed me from the car dealership and asked if this was a rental. I said yes. He’s like you are in the airport road, I said look I got lost. He followed me waiting to do something and he told me he is making it a county ticket versus Federal ticket, so I will get a discount. I called…The discount was $250 versus $450.
- This was the year all my ex boyfriends decided to reappear in my life and wow I have grown so much. After so much time passed, I was able to thank them for what they did for me during the relationship and truly wish them the best, but that it’s best to not communicate anymore and close the chapter. Old me would have given a huge tongue lashing.
- For years Lisa and I have said, let’s go to Peru…Finally we were going! We could not be more excited. Unfortunately luck was not on our side. Lisa typically flies with me, so if anything happens I take care of her. Her first flight was from Utah to Mexico City and she had one more leg to meet me in El Salvador. Her flight got cancelled while I was in the air, so when I landed I got messages asking me what to do. Since we were on a very short time-line, we needed to get Lisa to Peru quickly. When I got there, they agreed to put Lisa on a flight at 11 PM, but it was too late because Lisa had to run back to get her stuff. She ended up having to pay for a flight into Lima and catch a connecting flight to Cusco. In order to get to Machu Picchu, she had to take a train and the last train was at 9 PM. The guide arranged a car to pick her up. She made it to the train station at 8:50 PM and of course, with our luck, the ticket office closed and said they would not sell it to her. Then when she got on the train in the morning, there was a major mountain slide that blocked the train for nearly 5 hours. Finally she got there though!
- They thought I had cancer. I spent 2 months going through 4 tests, the worst was that I had to collect my pee for 24 hours and keep it in a bucket lol. Just kidding really the worst was getting an MRI. Here is the post on it.
- I went to Sarah’s birthday party in DC. I parked on the street and there were multiple signs, but I didn’t see it because it was covered. When I came out, I got four tickets minutes apart when others at the party only got one!
- I found out that for some reason the HOV 1-66 Toll had been charging me single-rider fees which can range from $15-$40 one way. Within a week, I had about $400 in fees and they refuse to reverse it. I have been fighting with them for months and for once I believe it is a losing battle.
- I was going to visit a friend after work during rush hour and I was at a red light. My foot slipped off and the car moved forward and hit the back of a huge truck. It barely taped it and of course I ran across horrible people. There wasn’t even any damage on their car and they claimed that they all had neck pain and medical care, etc… They claimed they could not work after, obviously the insurance denied it.
- Went to Cuba and the tour leader was horrible. And then it was really bad rain, due to the poor tour leader and her lack of looking at weather and paying attention, our car almost got swept away when the roads flooded. No kidding, our car would not have floated away if two Cubans didn’t come and push the van out because the tour leader and the photographer were crying and screaming, no one could translate to the driver what to do.
- My dream home fell into my lap, but that meant I had to pack my house and get it rented within 30 days. I got my town home rented in 24 hours. I thought things were good and life was turning around.
- I started to date S. He lives in another city which is about a 2.5 hour to 3 hour drive one way. He drove every weekend and we got along so well. Even though he was opposite to me in so many ways, we felt as if we have known each other forever. He came up every weekend and put together every piece of furniture. If he said he would be there, I never had to ask twice. I know the moment I fell in love with him. He was driving back from New Jersey and it was about 10 PM. He was in Baltimore, he called asking what I was doing. I told him I was trying to put a side table together but there were too many holes and bolts. He said if I come now, I’ll be there at midnight, I’ll fix it by 1 AM and be home by 3:30 AM. I told him not to come, but that was person he was to me. He tried to do a video call the next day to “trouble-shoot” it but failed, so he showed up that Saturday and the first thing he did was go to the bathroom, second thing he did was fix the table. I compare him to a Toyota, he’s not sugary, sweet, and sexy on the outside, but reliability, there was never a doubt.
- The work environment was getting bad, so my plan had been to use my mutual fund savings and travel for 9 months and then move to California. I haven’t had the best luck in DC, so maybe it was a sign to leave. Maybe I’ll find Mr. Right there and I’ll kick the travel bug. Then everything with the house came so easy and so did S. I thought 100% my life was turning around.
- Right when my tenants got in, the fridge broke. My home warranty did not go into effect until August. I ended up paying $500 out of pocket.
- S had warned me he had extended family drama and needed a really strong girl to handle it. His goal is to get everyone back on one platform down the road and they will take jabs at his future wife. I didn’t take it seriously until S decided I was the girl for him and told me that weekend he was going to go up to NY and open the conversation with his brother. Then they would have a call with the parents in India. He said first they would say no and then they would come around. I got scared of losing him and bad flashbacks of the entire mother situation with S. I started questioning him if he was ready and that made him doubt as well. He then decided I was too nice, I wouldn’t survive with my future in-laws. He said if he chose me, he would ruin his chance of putting the family together, if that was out of the way, he would be with me without a thought. We “broke-up,” but he still continuously comes up, checks in on me, and handles my every need to this day. At first I thought he made up the whole story and just using it as an excuse as I have learned more and more, he is doing me a favor by letting me go as much as we love each other. In our last conversation as we were taking a morning walk, he told me that all my risks in my life have paid off. I said, yes I take risks everywhere unlike you who only take calculated risks. He said yes. We talked about our “if” world for a little bit and I asked him to take a gamble on us. He told me ask much as he loves me, he cannot take a chance in something he isn’t sure will fit in the bigger picture. And we went back to our walk, I know however this ends, I believe he will be the one hurt a lot worse than me. I know in my head and heart we are over, but from his actions I don’t know if his words match his actions. TBD on this story.
- M- My best guy friend called me out of the blue asking for help from a girl that left her husband for a night. He didn’t know how to handle emotions, so he brought crazy into my life. In 48 hours, she demolished our friendship due to her own misery and went back to her cheating husband. She does not even feel bad about the pieces she left behind. During that time, she felt like she had to disclose things that my best friend had asked her to keep a secret such as an ex-girlfriend. To this day, we have no idea why it is such a big deal, but when she told him she told me, he said he could never face me again.
- Work was insane, my two directors left and I was doing 8 people’s jobs as one person. I was overwhelmed an almost had a breakdown. Along with that, with political issues, I was in meeting daily where I was getting yelled at to my face for my entire team. It wasn’t anything I did, but they were yelling at me for things that had happened in the past.
- Went to Italy, we had a fiasco with the plane cancelling and figuring out how to get there. In the end…an extra $400 out of pocket, we got a flight. We found out that the airline that cancelled the flight announced bankruptcy on Oct 1, we went on Sept 19, and so they were probably secretly cancelling planes. I count us lucky that we got a flight home!
- At baggage claim, I got an email from my Contracting Manager stating that my clients or the new directors were appalled I left at the fiscal year end and I needed to tell who approved my time off and he was afraid I would not have a job when I came back. After working until 2 AM for months I was already at my snapping point and this did it. I told him this trip was approved a year ago, but fine, if that’s how the client wants to treat I have Jay pack up my shoes. I’ll return everything when I get back. My contracting manager then took back his words quickly and a few hours later said it was a misunderstanding and everyone loves me. We spoke when I came back and when I told him I couldn’t do it anymore. He agreed to give me the extra hours I’ve worked for months as comp time for Italy. When I got my check, he lied and nothing was there. I threatened to quit and he said to use by the end of the year, which is why I have so much vacation now.
- M- My best friend finally spoke to me again and his way of handling the whole situation was to never talk about it. He picked Lisa and me at the airport as if nothing happened. At this point, I don’t care.
- My mom had her eye surgery and unfortunately she still cannot see that well. But hopefully she will heal soon.
- My car started having juddering issues at low speeds. My car only has 77K miles and it is only 4 years old, but apparently this happens to a handful of CRVs and with my luck, mine was included. They have a warranty up to 80K miles if the problem is caught. It took me asking to take the technician in the car with me for a test drive. Apparently they don’t’ do it often, but it paid off. He was able to feel it and do the software update and transmission flush for free. Fingers crossed, no more issues.
- I went on my first date after S. At the end of the date, the guy grabs my love handles and says what is this, you need to exercise. I was so shocked, I have never had someone body shame me in public like that before. I have only ever had one guy friend body shame me and honestly we have never been the same again, but he only did it verbally, not physically. I told the guy how unacceptable he was and he claimed it was a joke. I asked what mother raised you and walked out. That started an obsession with beauty. I started looking at changing everything including lipo. Jay, my coworker saw it on my screen and lectured me on how I was naturally beautiful. Nguyen refused to pick me up if I went to do lipo. It is interesting how one person can completely ruin your self-confidence and the amount of pain they can cause with a few words, but it does hurt. But instead in 2019, I am going to do personal training and hardcore diet and see a nutritionist before I resort to lipo.
- And just when I thought nothing else could go wrong, I spoke too soon. My uncle had a sudden death overseas on vacation. It took a big toll on my mom.
- My work took a turn for the worst, we went through another management change and the new sheriff wants us to know our place. We are being monitored like kindergarten kids.
- I have been trying for a few months to make a move to either Seattle or SF, maybe the moral of the story is a fresh start.
- The rest of 2018…Please don’t be too rough on me.