Normally, when a man says he has two women in his life, it’s usually not a BMW. To compete against a car is something new. I was told that I would never compare to a BMW because I can never do what she can.
I know men love their cars, but I think the conversation below takes the icing on the cake. I actually had to listen to the exhaust and hear how beautiful it sounds. I said it just sounds like vroom vroom.
But, I did get to drive it home and I have to say that I like my Honda more. My first time driving a BMW. I have always happily sat in the passenger seat of one, so it was very different being in the driver’s seat. The steering on a BMW takes too much work!
FYI—I had to include this preface because some readers thought it was serious. A said this in a very joking way, well maybe semi serious, but mostly joking. FACT: He does love his car. FACT 2: He still values human interaction more…Maybe ;).
Here is how the conversation went:
I had a Robeks and jumped into his BMW. He looks over at me and says, please do not spill. I told him there’s a lid. He told me he is very anal about that, so that’s when the argument began. I on the other hand, don’t care about eating or drinking in the car.
A: Linda, I like you, but honey, I LOVE her. She is special; she is my first love, well more like my 7th.
L: Are you saying I’m not special?
A: No, no, you are special, but she is irreplaceable.
L: What? Just drop me off right here, I’ll find another man to take me back.
A: That came out so wrong. If I ruin my lady, she has insurance. If I ruin you, you have no insurance, so of course I will not let you get hurt.
When we got back, the conversation continued right outside on the streets:
A: I have to make sure my lady is ok. Did you see I cleaned her?
L: What about me?
A: Well, you seem very clean, so there is nothing I need to do for you. Plus my lady cannot wash herself, you can. My lady has such a good heart…let me show you. Proceeds to pop the hood and say, Look at that beautiful engine. That engine has 450 horsepower, can you do that?
L: Yes, I can have a 450 engine.
A: No. Shakes his head and proceeds to tell me you can’t, nor the beautiful rims on her tires. You just don’t understand: I have a contractual obligation to her. She is my longest relationship. You have to understand that she will always be here. She does things for me no one else can. She takes me places, drove me and another friend from DC to Miami.
L: Well have fun with your lady. You don’t need me, I’m sure she always satisfies you. But you know I’m more stylish.
A: Yeah, she’s pretty big, so dressing her is a problem. You on the other hand, it’s more easy, but you always keep buying clothes, most of the time my lady shows up in her birthday suit, not you. My lady satisfies me in every way except in one way. Also, she’s pretty big, so getting her in the house is an issue, but if I had a garage, that’s it.
L: Well, who has a better butt?
A: Linda, your butt is nice, but my lady’s butt are buns of steel, it’s black, and lights up (Honestly, unless I put some reflectors on, my butt will never light up like the BMW). I have my lady wrapped around my finger (Takes his keys and places it on his pinky).
L: Well, you may have your German baby wrapped around your finger, but not your Asian baby. I’m walking.
A: Runs after me and says, of course you know you’re special.
L: Ha, see you never run after your German baby (This is a fact because she’ll always wait around for him, she has no choice, she’s controlled by him).
Then he proceeds to jab at me just a little bit more.
A: But what I have to say is that German Baby…she is so high maintenance. I have to buy her new tires, that’s $500 and I have to keep her maintained.
L: Well, I’m high maintenance too. One LV bag will cost you $1000.
A: You’re right. Both the Asian baby and German baby are high maintenance. They are both so expensive. FML.
After our conversation, he wants to film this for his fellow BMW lovers. I just don’t know if he’ll be able to recreate the emotions at the time, they were too raw…I was amused, hurt, shocked, confused…all at one time.