Idalia and I had our long and overdue catch up conversation the other night. It lasted 5 hours and what I will tell you is that if we did not both have to work on a nice Sunday morning, we would have kept talking.
We talk about everything. I love her for so many reasons and I have to say I thank her for her friendship, wonderful heart, her sisterly advice, her sense of humor, and how much she cares for her little friend.
As I was updating her on what Karen calls Project Clean Slate, which entails removing everyone that keeping comes through the revolving door, sometimes 2 to 3 times who doesn’t fit the qualities that I am looking for long-term, Idalia said she was very proud of me because I have finally come full circle.
The person who I was 1 ½ years ago went out every night, met people and went with the flow, so if someone asked me out, if it fit in my schedule sure, I was just looking to go out and have a fun time at the moment. Now my mindset is so different. I’d rather be at the gym, with a friend, on a call with my parents, or even doing laundry than be on a pointless date.
That’s when Idalia mentioned that dating is like interviewing for a job. She had heard this from one of her colleagues and in essence, as she explained it, it’s absolutely a great comparison. Her explanation was more of an overview; I took it down to a micro-level.
|Determining what industry you want||When you initially start job hunting, there are so many opportunities. It can be overwhelming. When you look on Indeed.com or Simplyhired, you feel as if the world is your oyster. You have to eventually decide what industry you want. Do you want your same industry or try a whole new playing field?||Dating may not have industries, but they have types. You have to decide what type you want to gear towards. Are you looking for A) sexy, maybe rich dirtbag, he’s totally hot B) The one that isn’t that good-looking, but so rich he will buy you anything C) The typical nice guy D) The one with issues, but you think you can be the one to change him E) Friend that you could possibly see as more? And the list goes on.|
|Writing and Revising Your Resume||Once you figure out what you want, the first step is to review your resume. It hasn’t been touched in a few years and you just need to spruce it up.||In this phase, people look at their past relationships, what they did wrong, why it failed, what lessons you took from it, what you want in the next relationship, and the qualities you are looking for.|
|Placing your Resume on the Market||You spend hours uploading your resume to Monster.com, Indeed.com, Dice, LinkedIn, Glassdoor, and of course USA Jobs||Once you decide you are ready to start dating, you have to figure out where to meet people: At networking events, parties, set-ups, or now online.|
|Applying for any Job||Now that you’ve done the initial upload, you have to actually apply. You spend days, weeks, even months going through different job descriptions to see if you are a fit. At the beginning you are on a roll and applying to anything and everything. You don’t even remember what you have applied for.||You’ve put yourself out there, and you’ve started dating…a lot. You’ve gone out with every type of person you can think of. You’ve gone on your “man safari” as Mitch mentioned one of his girlfriends is doing. The downside is that you get a lot of one hit wonders and you can’t remember who is who. Idalia says this is the same concept as getting a call for an interview call and saying, wait what job is this for again?|
|No REAL job leads||Time goes by and you don’t get any promising interview calls. All of them aren’t what you are looking for||None of the dates are working out. You realize that by dating anyone, you are having problems finding someone you really connect with.|
|Re-strategizing and being more niche||You realize by applying to everything, it was a big mistake. You decided quantity was better than quality when you first put your resume out there. You’ve diluted your worth and now you need to look at being narrower in applying for the positions and companies that you really want.||The dating spree is over. You already had enough fun to last a lifetime. You are at a place where you want something more.At this point, you need to focus on quality versus quantity. You want someone who you can have a happily ever after with someday.|
|Getting the interview call||You make it a goal to take every initial call, but as you go on the second or third interview, you start sensing if the company is right for you. Sometimes, you know right after the first phone call. But you as you get further in the process; you will have to start eliminating companies that you know you do not want to work for.||This is the vetting process. I am a big believer that before you just go on a first date, you have to see if there is compatibility. That only comes with talking before choosing to go on the date and seeing if you are even interested. Why waste your time if you can’t even hold a conversation before meeting?|
|Final rounds of interviews||Both parties are mutually interested in bringing you on and at that point, you start to discuss the benefits package. Maybe you have 2 or 3 companies that you are trying to decide, but eventually you have to pick one.||You always hear the phrase, when it rains, it pours and that is true with dating. As you are trying to narrow down your options, you have to look at the full package. No one is perfect, so you need to look at compatibility, hobbies in common, goals, lifestyle, deal breakers, and of course the chemistry.|
|Deal or No Deal||Once the offer is given, you have to carefully take a look at all the details, the potential growth, work environment, responsibilities, etc… At the end, you’ll accept one job offer.||This is where you make it official, however you choose. In my book, it’s not official until it’s on FB and your parents and friends have approved. But each person’s definition is different.|
As you enter the dating world, just treat it like a job interview. To sum it up in Idalia’s words, when you know what you want in life, you get to be picky and choosy. You don’t want to just take any job, you want the right job for all the right reasons. It’s fine to have several options, more options are better than no options, but eventually you have to go through the entire process to narrow down which job you are going to take. It’s the same as dating. You start by getting to know the person(s) and you start weeding out the ones you don’t care for. My theory is…If you would rather go to the gym, hang out with your friends, or take a nap than go on a date with someone, it’s time to part ways and move on to the next. Eventually, you’ll find one that makes you want to accept the final deal.