Over the next few months as I try to fully heal and find myself, I will share things that I learned and hopefully it will help others in some way.
One great lesson I took away is that you can never control life. Life is just a big bowl of surprises.
My entire life has been planned by either my parents or myself. I am not like a normal 27-year-old, where I just take life in strides. I think that it has been a blessing and curse because it has driven me to accomplish so much more in 27 years than most.
But it is a curse because I lose sight of a few things as I try to reach my goals. I have always been a little bit more eccentric too. Most people have 5 year goals, I have 2 year goals. After reflecting, I reached all my goals, but at what cost.
I tried to plan so much that I eventually I ruined my own love due to my own timeline. I now have accepted that I can never plan love, marriage, and a life. It just happens.
I was going through so many of our previous conversations, he was under a lot of stress from his parents, me, and my parents and he told me back in November that he needed more time to date, but I was so obsessed with being married by 28, it has made him numb, angry, lost, and a different man than the person I first loved.
I hope all of you can get an “ah ha” moment here to and realize…a planned life is not always a good one. Take the surprises and blessings as they come into your life. Now, I am trying to learn to date and fall in love again with no timeline.
But to become an adult, every person has to have their heart broken and be able to learn to love unconditionally again. You would never appreciate love without going through a heart break.
As I reflected, clearly there is a pattern below:
|Age||Goal||What did you do to reach it?|
|18||Get my Associate’s Degree||I gave up my summer trip with the Art History crew for college courses|
|20||Finish my Bachelor’s Degree||While all my sorority sisters partied and dated, I was in the library|
|22||Get my MBA||I started working 1 week after I graduated. Most students take time to travel before working. Not me. I jumped right in and then after 2 years experience, I applied for my MBA and got in on the first try. I wish I traveled. Now I only have 2 weeks vacation a year.|
|24||Move to another state||My work treated me well, but after 6 years, I wanted to spread my wings and fly. I packed up and moved to DC. I moved 7 times my first year as I tried to get a job with the government. I passed up other opportunities until I could become a “govee.”|
|26||Get a job with the government and buy a house||Both my parents work for the government, so it was a very easy goal for me. To get in with the government on the other hand is an uphill battle, but I did it. I gave up the social life 2 years ago in order to work hard and reach my goals. Now at 27, I am trying to work backwards and make friends again.|
|28||Get married||I pushed and now, I have to start from square one again.|
|30||Start a family||Again, this cannot be planned. I just have to wait it out until everything falls into place.|