No, I have not gone rogue. I am still the law-abiding, goodie-goodie that you have always known. When I say “keeping me on the right path,” I’m literally talking about keeping me alive getting from point A to point B.
None of you should be shocked that I am directionally challenged. Many of you have witnessed this, been frustrated or busted into laughter. Well, if you really care about me, read this article about 12 Wrong Ways to Guide the Directionally Challenged, just to help me out.
I always semi-kid to my friends about making sure to take care of me, but Paolo (P) really got a first-hand experience when I got lost going to happy hour. But…I found this place somewhere with $1 sushi, we will have to retrace my steps.
We were all going to El Centro; well there are 2 locations in DC. 50/50 chance and of course I pick the wrong one.
P offered to give me a ride, but…I refused and said I would walk. He kept asking if I was sure, I gave a very confident YES! I was even so proud of myself because I got there early and told everyone I secured a table. Well, P called and said I’m pretty sure you are not in the right location, I see no other Asian here.
Nope I wasn’t which pretty much made P’s night. He asked me where I was, I said, I don’t know and named the streets. He told me you need to get on M and walk towards 30th street, but he suggested taking a bus or the metro. I said, ok, I’ve got this…go to M and go towards the bigger numbers. 4 miles later I definitely deserved my enchiladas!
And…I finally made it! But first, let me take a selfie.
Well here are a few things P and all of you should live by if you are assigned to the daunting task of keeping me on the right path. Ahem: Twin, Shari, Cepand, Alyssa, Moon, Savoy, Karen, Sanam(s), and Julie just to name a few. Hey…obviously it takes an army to protect me.
- Never let me navigate anywhere on foot. P joked that I would walk all the way to New York without knowing— Probably true.
- Even if I say no, I don’t need you?!? Take it with a grain of salt because I probably will need you. Either I don’t know it yet or life hasn’t decided to throw some obstacle in the way.
- If I say I’ve got it, don’t believe me. In my head I think I’ve got it, but in reality you can bet I’m going in the opposite direction.
- If I tell you I know where I’m going, I’m only 50% sure.
- Should I take this exit? Sure! Sometimes, I say yes and hold my breath and just guess. This especially pertains to roundabouts. It always makes confused and yes I’ve gotten stuck in them before and gone around and around. I hate them with a passion.
- Shiny things distract me. It doesn’t take much…hold something bedazzled or a “on sale” sign and I’m off the beaten path.
- I have a very active imagination. The other day Cepand told us he only had enough gas to drive 6 miles; I asked him why he doesn’t keep his tank filled? I always try to keep my tank at least half-full just in case I needed to escape. Cepand asked me where, I said duh, if zombies came after me, I could escape to Canada. Cepand just looked at me, blinked, and very seriously said first, I would never make it out of here. He asked how I would even know where to go? Good point. He then said if there was a zombie apocalypse, his soul mission would be to come and turn me into a zombie. Not cool!
P told me that keeping track of me is as hard as being given the mission of saving the world.