Learning to live as a single person is interesting after 2 years. For me before I commit again…I need to really be me, to be 100% happy as a single person and not have any piece of my heart belonging to S. I know it just takes time and keeping myself busy. I just wish the heartache can end sooner than later. I try to forget, but it has not been that easy to remove 2 years of good memories. The ending was horrible, but the beginning of our love story was truly amazing, an instant connection, a wonderful relationship and I will always stand by the fact that he was a great boyfriend for 2 years. He did a lot of things, normal boyfriends would never do. But how he broke up with me…I am so messed up.
There are days I still wish this was a bad dream. That I would see his nice beamer in my parking lot, his hookah sitting on my floor, coming home to him lying on my couch with the TV on and dinner made, and us happy planning our next adventure together. S laughing at my forgetfulness, lack of direction, or calling me a mouse for eating so much cheese or trying to distract me from sweets. But reality is that it will never be that life again.
He chose to let me go. My favorite quote reminds me there is something better…somewhere between heartache lays a chance to be found and loved as someone’s only option and not a choice. I want to be someone’s only option…the girl that a man would do anything to keep.
I did everything to make him happy. I did everything to try to be accepted by his mother. Now it’s my turn to live life.
Instead of looking at the sadness which has been hard since everything still reminds me of the man I once loved. The man that all my friends felt was perfectly made to be my quirky other half.
I have been working on focusing on things that make me happy…even if it is small.
-Saffron ice cream…how is it that I have only been introduced to it after 2 years?
-Lisa…my twin makes all my worries go away
-Chicago…traveling is the best remedy
-Iced coffee….amaze and absolutely needed. Idk if my twin knew how much I needed coffee to start the day.
-Pictures…whoever invented the camera is amazing
-Dancing with the stars…I wish I could dance like that
-Toothpaste….my twin and I both forgot toothpaste so we had to buy one at CVS the next day…never valued it until I did not have it
-Country music…no matter how bad your heartbreak is…a country song always shows that there are happy moments like Keith Urban’s little bit of everything