Karen’s Column…Advice for the Loved and Loveless

Reaching for the Stars or Reaching Back?

wpid-cymera_20140822_172817.jpgWith Karen’s first advice column: Dating a Potential vs. a Project being such a big hit, people wanted to hear more, I am giving you a double-feature today! Well that and the fact that I’m super far behind. I promised you weekly, it’s become more like quarterly now, but I’ll try to get back on track and do her justice! Karen actually named this article all by herself!

Thanks for a few of you actually requesting topics; those will come down the line. Don’t worry, no surprise I have an Excel sheet with topics.

So here is the first article…

Reaching for the Stars or Reaching Back?

Your life is surrounded with relationships: Co-workers, friends, family, and of course your significant other.

Just like any other relationship, over-time, some stay, some fade, while others re-appear at moments throughout your life.

Think of people like the changing seasons. Some stay through one season and leave for good, others stay for half the year and migrate to warmer weather for the winter each year, and the one that you want to keep is the person who chooses to stay all four seasons.

Each season leaves a lesson, an imprint, and a memory.

Dating is no different. Each time you step into a relationship, you never know if it’s just through the spring or if it’ll make it all four seasons. Some end on good terms, while others end like a fiery plane crash.

This conversation came up because all of a sudden our exes called out of the blue. I’m not sure if it was something in the water, but literally on the same day, three of us got contacted. All were unwanted. Our friend had an ex call her manipulative and narcissistic. First off, she is not, she is one of the most generous person I know, secondly its 2014, who says narcissistic versus selfish? Mine called from an unknown number and told me he made a mistake and wanted to see how I was doing, I have never hung up on someone more quickly than I did at that moment.

Karen says exes always come back and it’s true. Over the years, in some way, shape, or form they always do. When this happens, I know for me, I take a step back and say do I want to go back? Do I want to reopen the doors?

Most of the time the answer is no, but you always hear of those one-off stories. Relationships end for a reason, trust me there is always a reason.

And when that ends, you take time to mourn the relationship, reflect on the lessons, and tell yourself there is something better out there. You won’t settle for less, you reach for the stars. You find someone who becomes your Northern Star in a sense as cheesy as it sounds. You can’t expect Mr. Perfect, but you search for someone who makes you become a better you.

I asked her in what situation would you take an ex back and would it work? Before reaching back and trying to repeat history, consider the following things:

  1. Trust. The big question is if you can trust your partner again. In some situations, the relationship was so messy that the answer is no. If you can’t trust them, eventually your relationship will fail since it is the basis of everything.
  2. Fresh Start. There is no procedure or pill to wipe out the past. You both have history. Can you get over what happened before to start the relationship again? As Karen says if you cannot resolve everything in your past and start fresh, the same issues will come up over and over again.
  3. Chemistry. Sometimes you confuse old feelings versus what you actually feel about the person. You can’t help but start thinking about the wonderful times in the past. You have to be able to separate if there is still chemistry based on who you are now, not who you were in the past.
  4. A road divided. Many relationships end because both of you were on different paths in life. If you fall into the same path with the same goals, then go for it, but if you are still on different paths, you are just reaching back again.
  5. Hard-work. Relationships are never easy, even the best ones. But when you get back together after a break-up, you are not only battling the hardships that any relationship go through, you also battle a lot of issues from the past and things that was done or said the last time you ended. You have to look past and forgive all of that.

Karen completely believes that love deserves a second chance if the situation is right.

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