As the girl who completely got blindsided and fooled in the relationship, it takes an amazing group of friends to pick up the pieces.
It’s amazing how your self-esteem gets completely crushed going through an experience like this. And the worst part is that I never got an answer as to why someone decided to do what he did. I still question what I did wrong and if I am so ugly that the person I once loved did could hurt me in that way.
I was talking to my really good friend Joe in tears asking him why and was it because I was crazy or really ugly? Was I not a good person? Was I a horrible girlfriend? Was I selfish and I didn’t really know how to love someone right?
He waited until I asked my questions and took a deep breath and said, I know it’s hard to believe, but it has nothing to do with you, it has everything to do with him. He is a really bad person, there is no answer but that. There is absolutely no clear reason why someone makes such hurtful decisions, again he is a bad, bad, extremely bad person.
He then went on to explain that people do horrible things to each other every day. He shared some of his stories of his past before he met the one he married, which happens to be my best friend.
There isn’t one person that goes unscathed and when it happens, it will hurt, and you take some time for yourself to regroup and set new goals ALONE.
Then all of a sudden, one day, you’ll fall into another relationship and try again. Maybe it will work, maybe it won’t, but you won’t know until you try. Joe said at that point he’s going to pull the guy aside and tell him that he’s the lucky soul that will need 5 years to unravel the damage that has been done to me and to forgive me if I question him consistently.
One of the most insightful lines that rang true to me during the conversation is the following:
“Real love is when two broken people find each other.”
And it’s true. Real love is understanding that everyone has a past before they met you. As in everyone’s past, there are good chapters and bad chapters that molds you into the person you are today. The bad chapters make you become a better person, a stronger person. Overtime, the past fades, but there will always be a small scar.
That scar will trigger small tendencies that the other person may not understand. Compatibility is one thing, but truly understanding what makes your partner work is the key to having a successful relationship.