heartI was with Shari and I told her how a broken heart feels like.  She was talking about one of the guys she is seeing and I was telling her to be careful.  It’s because I absolutely have no trust in men.


Here is what I told her. When S broke my heart, this is how it feels in 5 easy steps:

  1. Rip it out and throw it on the ground
  2. Stomp on it repeatedly then stab it with a dagger
  3. Then take a meat flattener to flatten the heart
  4. Throw it in a magic bullet and feed it to some zombies from the walking dead
  5. Then it will regenerate and break all over again

Now, that’s why I do not ever want to have my heart broken again.  Twin…never love a man more than he loves  you.  You never want a broken heart like this…it stinks.

This will make Cindy happy because she knew this is a phase. She has been through 5 years of awesome dating stories with me. She asked me if I took a break from dating…yes after 42 first dates…I have officially said no to the first guy I met at Bar Code. Mike is now jumping for joy to hear this.  It felt really nice to have so much attention from everyone and be told how beautiful and fabulous I was for a while, but it’s not worth it.

It’s actually not as hard to meet guys out, but to find someone you really click with, that’s different. For me, I truly just wanted to network, but after each time I go out, I get asked out by 5 to 10 guys.  I cannot keep them straight and after 2 dates, no one has made me really want to give a 3rd date.  So now, it’s just work, the gym, and my girlfriends.

My rule is that they all get 1 date a month, so by date 8, I might be ready to commit.  Unfortunately, most of them don’t like that.  They want back-to-back dates, a relationship, something I cannot give them and I’ll never lead any of these guys on.  Being on my end, I would never want to break a nice guy’s heart.  The worst part is that when they say they miss me, the first thought that crosses my mind is why and how many other girls are you telling this to?

I have come up with the best lines to avoid seeing them again, any type of physical move, etc…Here are some…Feel free to steal:

  1. Sorry my phone got reset. Who is this again?
  2. Kisses are not free, you have to work for them and that comes with time.
  3. Sorry, it’s budget season, so life is just super busy. Can we schedule something for a month from now? (It has been cray cray, but not THAT cray cray)
  4. The best things in life are worth waiting for.
  5. Patience is a virtue, so your patience for me will really be a test.

Examples of why I stopped dating. Either I have come up with really stupid excuses not to go on another date or I get a lecture. So either way is not fair for either party…So I’m going to be single and enjoy life.

Jaffer:   Met at Rosebar. First date, he took me to Basura, Friends Kabob, the Ritz, and Clydes. Our first date lasted until 3 AM.  When the date was ending, he said the following:

J:             I’m a very passionate man and I am telling you, I want you. What will it take to get you?
Me:        Um…time, effort, patience.

On our second date, J came over at 10:30 because I just finished hot yoga. We went to Ashburn Pub and as we were talking, he asked me the following:
J:             Can you get used to seeing this face all the time?  I can get used to seeing yours.
Me:        What makes me so different?  J’s answer was our chemistry.
J:             Do I get to be your New Year’s kiss?
Me:        Um…Q1 is getting a little rough, so let’s see if we can make it through Q1. That buys me through Dec 31.
J:             What about swimming with the whale sharks?
Me:        Um…that’s 4 quarters away.  Again, let’s make it through Q1 first.

On our 3rd date, he basically told me, he said you have known what I wanted from you on day 1. I’m 33 years old and we don’t need to play games.

Being schooled does not feel so good, but neither does it knowing you cannot give your heart to such a nice guy. So better for me to be freeeeee.

Arash:   Met at Front Page. It took him about 4 weeks to get a first date. He was texting me so much and I was so tired from our year end closing, that I gave in. It was one Sunday that I was working. So I told him, he gets one hour at Starbucks, but that’s it.  He told me he waited a month, so if all I have to give is an hour, that’s fine.

Second date, he showed up in a suit to go to dinner and a movie.  When I stepped out, he told me he was overdressed.  I agreed and felt bad, but who shows up in a suit to a movie and dinner?  Also, Savoy and Paula were at Bar Louie, so I asked if we could hang out with them before the movie.  He was nice enough to agree.

He kept asking for another date to go to see the leaves change colors. The end came from me going to Chicago. He was upset that I was more excited to explore Chicago, Atlanta, etc…then seeing him. I told him I’m only in Chicago a few days, but I’ll be in DC for awhile.  Maybe he’ll calm down later. IDK.

Vijay:     Met at Redline. Meeting me the first week being single was just bad luck. He texted me every day for 2 ½ months asking to do something without a response.

Adam:   Met at Redline. 3 months later, he still texts me to go out. I told him I’m not ready to commit, so I thought that would be the end, but he still texts asking me to go to all these different events.  I asked to be friends, but he said he’ll do what it takes to get me.

Tom:      Walking in my neighborhood.  He works for GW and was walking his dog. So I found out on our first date that he does not like sweets or cheese. He avoids them at all cost. Ok, so I can deal with one, but both. What am I going to eat?  That basically leaves me only eating popcorn L

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