Dating Carousel

To the man I lusted

I was at a conference at my university and was introduced to P by a friend of a friend. He chatted with me while getting lunch and next thing you know he followed me to the table. I remember thinking I had to run back to work.

During those days, I was so busy with school and a full-time job, the last thing on my mind was dating. As I rushed back to the bank, he asked for my number to network for jobs. I was naïve, but it was more of a ploy to ask me out.

That night he asked me out. I didn’t accept because I had homework. The next day I was at a Sundance movie he found me in the crowd and asked me out again. I said no, I had homework. But he didn’t give up on his last day he asked me one last time. He asked me to just give him one chance before he flew back home.  I said no, but then he hunted me down again in front of my friends and asked.

I gave in and said yes. He was smart, successful, and very handsome and he thought I was beautiful. Our chemistry was like fireworks, but that was really the basis of our relationship. We were young, we were in the prime of our life and we dreamed of being a power couple, both working our way up Goldman Sachs.

That dream was short lived. At that time we thought we cared about each other a lot. He charmed me with reciting poems, giving me dreams of a glittery life filled with nice cars, a big house, etc… We spent a year flying back and forth between trying to finish our final year of the MBA program. But in the end, our careers were more important than each other and our relationship.

He got a great job in the East Coast and asked me to move with him. At the time, I wanted to stay where I was, I never even hesitated to say no. We went our separate ways and never spoke again. We never discussed the end of our relationship because it wasn’t love. Things just naturally fizzled, no words were exchanged, and there was no anger between us.  I think maybe I was sad for 2-3 weeks and I went on a vacation and when I got back, life resumed as normal.

Looking back it absolutely was not in any sense anything more than an infatuation with each other. We have all had that one person where it was just roses and butterflies every time you saw him.  The person you were absolutely attracted to in every way physically, but maybe not 100% emotionally.  When you ask yourself, did he know your hopes and fears?  Could you see him in your future?  The answer was simply no.

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