You think you found “the one” or the possibility of them and you can’t help but picture a future. The house, the kids, and enjoying the simple things in life-like going grocery shopping as a family on the weekends. You try not to, but things seem to be going well, until one day everything falls apart. Just like pulling at a loose thread on a sweater, it all starts to unravel and the future you had in your mind just got ruined.
We’ve all experienced that sinking feeling. The nights that you can’t sleep and roam around the house until morning. In college you had the luxury to hide, but as an adult, you have to pick yourself up every morning and drag yourself into work. You try to hide the dark circles under your eyes with some concealer and give yourself a pep talk, but really what you want to do is go hide in your closet and hibernate like a bear.
You spend many nights going to bed crying and wake up crying and hating the person even more. You tell yourself I wish he would die, get hit by a car, some of the cruelest things you can say to a person for breaking your heart and like a politician, the next day you wish you were sitting next to him watching CNN.
Your emotions are like a giant roller-coaster. You are up one minute and on the floor crying the next. And this will continue for a while. What exactly does heart-break feel like? True heartbreak feels like you are being hit by a Monster Truck every day, then one day you feel like you only got hit by a Honda Accord, and as the pain lessens, a little baby mini-cooper, and eventually you wake up one day and you don’t feel anything, but freedom.
If you haven’t had your heart-broken, count yourself lucky. Most people are not so lucky, myself included. I’ve done my share of breaking hearts, but I’ve also had mine badly broken several times.
With every heartbreak, you change as a person. Right after the break-up, you will feel completely lost like you got the wind knocked out of you in a boxing ring. You know you have to get up, but at the moment you can’t. You just want to call it quits and tell the opponent to take the final punch, but you can’t.
Every single person puts on boxing gloves (mine happen to be hot pink) as they open their mind to the possibility of committing themselves to another relationship, especially if the previous relationships have all gone down in flames. All your pent-up emotions from past experiences creep their way back up in your mind and you get scared to have your heart-broken again.
Even after taking several rounds of punches in the boxing ring, you will find a moment where you will get a second wind. A moment of clarity after all the pain passes, then find yourself again. You start living again, meeting new people, experiencing new adventures, and you build a better blueprint of the person you want to end up with.
Some heart-breaks are easier than others, but each one painful in their own way and full of lessons. I can attest to that.
So here is everything I know about getting my heart-broken:
- You cry A LOT. You never thought you had that amount of tears in you.
- Its better that you block them from all social media so you don’t keep checking-up. I know you say you won’t, but trust me you will.
- The communication doesn’t stop the moment you break-up. For the first few weeks, you both still keep in contact even though the conversation is the same. I don’t trust you, we are no longer together, etc… You are just trying to get answers. And even after months have passed, you’ll slip up and try to reach out to see if something is still there. It happens, forgive yourself and move on.
- Being normal goes out the window. During break-ups, you seem to always be able to unleash the craziest side of yourself.
- You avoid places that you guys went as a couple, or places you have memories at.
- There will be moments where feel like you can’t breathe. Don’t worry, it’ll all pass.
- You replay every moment of your relationship wondering what you could have done better.
- You think time and time again about going back and giving it another try. A do-over. And you come to the reality that after breaking that trust, it’s really hard to go back to someone who could hurt you.
- You start bartering with God about making it work again.
- You will wonder if there was someone else. Sometimes there is, sometimes there isn’t.
- At moments you ask yourself what is wrong with you, are you that hard to love?
- You make some stupid decisions like going on a dating spree.
- You start thinking about reinventing yourself to be a better, sexier you.
- The gym becomes your absolute best friend. You never knew the gym could become your sanctuary.
- You’ll say a million times you give up on love, possibly even switching teams. You know that’s not going to happen, but you say it to make yourself feel better.
- A lot of time is spent telling the story to your best friends, to the neighbor, pretty much to anyone who will listen.
- You become a party animal even though you are not. Friday and Saturday nights usually involves going out somewhere. Actually let’s be real, it starts as Monday through Sunday. You just don’t want to be alone in your own mind, so you always have something to attend to. You just want to prove to yourself that you don’t need someone else to enjoy life, you are doing just fine.
- I don’t know why, but you always lose weight. If I could only bottle up exactly what hormones are active at that time, I would be a millionaire.
What can I say about having your heart-broken? There is no magic pill to take away the pain. The only secret is time. One day you’ll wake up and details start to fade and at another point, you might even forget the person’s name.
As I’m writing this, this sounds horrible, doesn’t it? Who would want to fall in love again to get their heart-broken?
Because we all need love. Humans were not created to be alone. You will swear up and down to never have your heart-broken again, newsflash, it will until you find the person who won’t break your heart. And every broken heart is a chapter of your own Nicholas Sparks novel, hopefully in your story you’re ending isn’t as dramatic and depressing, but you get my point. All of the hurt, the pain, and the struggles will all be worth it for that one person.